I saw my therapist today. Just to remember you that it was my 7th session and we did not started the psychotherapy yet, the first 8 sessions are to determine what psychotherapy I need. So when I go there since 7 weeks, I just throw it all on him, whatever however. Of course I had to fill the protocol for hurting myself (a four pages document) before going there, then show it to him, then talk about it for 45 minutes. For the first time, he gave me feedback... in the last 3 minutes. Giving me courage, really he did. He said try the best you can to focus on the very little things you have control on and fight about these. Just this little sentence lifted me up, a bit, but that is a start. We talked about my psychoeducative group starting in January and how it will help me. And also that our real therapy is starting in 2 WEEKS !!!! I felt gaged... I mean like he fixed me a little. For the first time, going there helped me, a little but at least helped me.
Life is still mostly unbearable but with what he told me in mind, there might be hope. December has been for me the entrance in the psych hospital for the last two years, so I'm freaking out seeing it coming. I'm exhausted, tired, wretched and depressed, it takes all my energy or the little I have left to go to college and even more to work on weekends.