I think that people who say I care about you are just plain hypocrites. I don't even care about myself. I started to self-injured again, yesterday. After 5 months (if we do not count my suicidal attempt on Dec. 16th 2007), I failed and did it again. I cutted and it was good. I'm really starting to question on stuff. Cutting is judged by society as a bad behavior, as deviant, because non-conform, but what if it is the ONLY way for me to feel better ? Who the Hell do I hurt except myself when I do that ? NO ONE. My parents aren't even awared I'm doing it, goddamn it. I'm questioning my therapy, as it has been since last September (if I do not count the MANY psychiatrists, psychologists, social workers etc I have been in touch with since I am 15) and I see very little change, and God knows, oh yes he knows that I tried, harder and harder. What's the point ? I'm also questioning the fact that I'm going to university in Social Work in next September... A lot going on into my life. My love is coming over for a month, I can't phucking wait for him to be here on next Tuesday.
Every time I try to look for the sun, I come back to my darkness. What if it is all I really am ?